


A Greater Loss

by Bandshe



Series: Selene's Story [9]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Gen, Loss, Miscarriage, Nightmares, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 15:39:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4106170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandshe/pseuds/Bandshe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selene experiences her next greatest loss after leaving the tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Greater Loss

“Leenie, wake up, we have to go.” Cullen shook her gently awakening her from her sleep.

She turned around and looked at him and smiled. “Cullen?”

“Who else would it be?” He smiled kissing her hand.

A red tint covered her face. She sat up in bed and rubbed his leg. “You’re so good to me, Cullen.” 

Cullen leaned over and pressed his lips hungrily against hers. He couldn’t resist, he always said she looked her best first thing in the morning. “You have to get ready. We must leave before more templars start doing their rounds.” Cullen warned.

“Cullen I just want to lay here with you, just for a bit.” she whined. She didn’t like getting out of bed so early, but she knew she had to. They had planned their escape for weeks. He managed to get a hold of her phylactery a day before and destroyed it. She was free, at least partially.

“Leenie, we can’t.” his eyes were sad, he was risking so much for her. They were both risking so much.

Selene leaned forward and captured his lips. Her hand traveled to the back of his head and gripped his hair. He moaned into her mouth and one hand cupped her cheek as the other rested on the small of her back pulling her closer. She felt his hand move to her thigh, slowly he moved it higher and higher. She had parted her legs, she was slick, wanting, burning. Cullen could see the hunger in her eyes and pushed her smalls to the side. Slowly he inserted a finger, her moans brought red to his cheeks and tips of his ears. He plunged another finger in and used his thumb to press against her clit. He rubbed it delicately at first, just enough to make her twitch and whimper. As she rolled her hips against his hand, he quickened the pace and applied more pressure. She bucked as he continued to pump into her. Her cries started to become a bit louder. Her walls squeezed his fingers and he moaned.

“Leenie, Maker, I just want to be inside you. I want to be sheathed within you.” his voice trembled with want. He knew they didn’t have time. He increased his speed a little bit more just so she could come faster.

She felt as if she went blind as she hit her peak. Everything was so bright and then it wasn’t. Blackness, she was in total darkness. She could feel her juices run down her legs, but she couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. The only thing she was able to feel was a sharp pain in her stomach. At first they were minor cramps, but they quickly became unbearable cramps. She panicked thinking that her and Cullen had gone too far this time, that he had hurt her. But they didn’t go too farm in fact, they didn’t go anywhere.

“Good, you’re awake. Mother would like to speak to you as soon as you are able.” a familiar voice spoke to her.

“Where’s Cullen?” Selene panicked looking around the unfamiliar cabin.

“Cullen? Was he the one you were dreaming about?” the woman asked.

“I don’t see why it’s any of your business!” Selene snapped at the reminder, feeling somewhat violated having the witch possibly hear her lustful words aimed towards her lover.

“You’re right. I…I’m sorry.” the woman looked away. She was not the type to ask for forgiveness nor was she so easily put in her place, but she seemed to like Selene and she couldn’t explain it, but she didn’t want to get on her bad side. 

Selene clutched her stomach and let out a loud groan. It seemed as if the pain was only getting worse. The witch knew what was going on, but she didn’t know how to break it to her. Selene had just awoken from her ordeal in Ostagar, she had witnessed so much death and the last thing she needed to hear was that she lost her child too.

“Here, take this.” she handed Selene a cup with a foul smelling liquid inside. The woman watched on as Selene drank the contents. 

“Make sure she drinks this, child. She’ll get a fever if she doesn’t. It will be a while before she recovers from this emotionally. The least we can do is be of some assistance where it’s needed.” she was instructed on what to do once Selene awoke.

Selene struggled to keep it down, but she did. It took a while, but the cramps seemed to subside. “Thank you. You’re the witch of the wilds we met. Morrigan?” Selene smiled returning the cup to Morrigan.

“Yes.” she responded.

“Do not leave a woman alone that has just lost a child. She will be confused and in pain.” 

The lump in Morrigan’s throat grew, she wondered how she was going to react to Selene’s discovery. If she stayed there for too long before Selene noticed then it would make her suspicious, but she wasn’t going to be the one to let her know why she remained in the hut.

Selene threw the covers off of her and slowly got out of bed. She felt a warm liquid pool on her smalls. She paused momentarily hoping that it wasn’t something embarrassing. Maker, did I? _Great, I came in this woman’s bed, while she looked on._ But it was worse than what she suspected. Selene turned to look at the bed and that is when it knocked her back down. She sat back down on the bed. She felt as if the bed would swallow her whole if she allowed it to, and she wanted it, she wanted to be swallowed up, to be taken away.

“I’m sorry.” Morrigan’s voice was quiet, compassionate. Selene would’ve yelled at her for not telling her right away, but it didn’t matter; what was done was done. “If you want, I’ll just leave.” Selene thought about it. She didn’t know Morrigan and it would just feel awkward to have her around, but she also felt like she needed someone there to talk to, or at least just be there.

“He was a templar.” she finally spoke. Morrigan looked at her, puzzled. “Cullen. I was his charge back in the Circle. We became close and certain circumstances lead us into each other’s arms. I do not regret my actions, I would do them again in a heartbeat, but if I knew this would’ve happened, I might’ve hesitated.” Selene looked back at the blood on the sheets, tears streaming down her face. She never dreamed any of it would happen, maybe that’s all this was, a dream.

“You still love him?” Morrigan asked. She didn’t even know why she bothered asking, this wasn’t something she truly ever cared about, she didn’t care for such stories of love and loss. She didn’t know how to react to them or even why people even bothered getting involved knowing these things would eventually happen.

Selene was quiet, or as quiet as one could be while crying into their hands. “Yes. I love him, but I’ll never see him again, I’ll never be with him again.” 

Morrigan grabbed some clothes from a trunk her mother kept. “Here, put these on. No use in sitting there in bloody clothes.” 

Selene looked up at her, her vision blurred by the tears, but she managed to see the clothes being handed to her.

“I’ll be outside.” Morrigan bowed her head and left the hut.

Selene slowly removed her bloodied clothes, throwing them in a pile as she went. How was she supposed to go outside like this, an emotional wreck? She didn’t want to talk about it anymore than she had to. Once dressed Selene composed herself and set foot outside, now it was time for her to deal with the rest of the world, to face the truth.

“You worry too much lad, here she is, in one piece.” Flemeth turned Alistair around. 

Alistair’s expression changed from sorrow to one of great relief. He was happy his friend had made it, that she had awoken from her sleep.

“Maker, I feared I’d lost you too.” Alistair hugged her without hesitation. His hug was similar to that of Cullen’s, loving and protective. She wrapped her arms around him and for a brief moment pictured Cullen there in Alistair’s place. 

“I’m sorry, Cullen.” she cried into Alistair’s chest.”

“What was that?” Alistair asked breaking away from their embrace.

“Nothing. I’m glad we made it. I’m just sorry that more of us didn’t.” Selene covered her slip up well, or perhaps it was only due to the fact that Alistair was so upset by the loss of Cailan and Duncan that he didn’t hear her.

“Me too.” Alistair’s voice was so compassionate, just like Cullen’s. Morrigan saw the look on Selene’s face, she was losing herself to her thoughts. It wouldn’t be long before Selene shifted her focus on the young grey warden, projecting her affections on someone who clearly didn’t deserve them. Luckily, it was only for that day that Alistair had become Cullen in her mind, after that he was Alistair again.

The couple listened on as Flemeth explained everything to them, explained what must be done before handing over the treaties and then handing over her daughter. 

“Go with them girl, you’ll be more use to them than to me.” Flemeth pushed her away.  
Morrigan sighed, but joined the wardens. She liked Selene, so at least her headaches weren’t going to be that bad, or so she thought until she saw a war dog approach them. “Great, now there is another mutt within the ranks.” she watched as Selene’s face brightened. She couldn’t complain if it made the warden happy, or at least not complain to her face.

That night at camp she listened to Alistair’s loud sighs. She tried everything not to tear into him, not to scream at him. He was such a child and she couldn’t even believe he was the senior warden.

“Tell me Alistair, are you going to sigh like this the whole time, or will it just be for the night?” 

“Oh, how nice of you to care. I think that just for you, I may push up my whining to a month.” Alistair retorted. He watched as his fellow warden cuddled up to the mabari. He wondered what was going on in her mind, if she felt his pain. She seemed calmer than he was, maybe it hadn’t settled in yet, everything happened so quickly for her, she didn’t even have time to take a breath.

“She almost looks calm, at peace. How? How can she remain so calm in all of this?” as far as he knew no one would be able to escape what they had gone through without breaking down. Selene was different, she had turned cold, she pushed everyone away. With each personal loss she had, she withdrew. First it was her lover, that hurt, but there was a way around it, she may be able to get back to him, to be reunited again. Then it was her child, their child. She’d never get that back. They were her world, they were everything to her. 

For a while she hated Duncan for not letting her know about the Joining, it was the darkspawn taint that poisoned her, that killed her child. She knew she had no choice in the matter, she’d lose her child either way, except in the tower her child would be ripped from her arms and taken somewhere else. At least as a warden she could save Thedas.

“She has lost more than you think Alistair, it would do you well to remember that, lest you want to experience her wrath.”


End file.
